The Internal War
When I started my Spiritual path I wasn’t fully aware of the voices that perpetuated my internal dialogue. However, I was aware of a strong distinct voice; and most often that voice didn’t sound very nice. The voice spoke through remarks, judgements and observations that undermine me and created space for me to halt from growing and experiencing my true Self.
It was not until I started to bring awareness to what the voice was telling me, did I really begin to understand how it was telling me what it was telling me. Whoa, that was a mouthful, allow me to explain.
In my childhood, I was harshly judged by my parents about my body, character, and intelligence. I bought into it’s dialogue thinking it was the truth of who I am. I became overly concerned about how I looked or how my body moved, my speech, and my ability to articulate clearly. So much so that I would still trip over my words or become fearful of speaking up because I felt no one would understand or care to listen. I reinforced the negative self talk that my loving parents set the ground work on.
Yet, I persisted.
When I started a process of self inquiry I realized that this is not how I would want to speak to anyone, so why do I speak to myself this way? I began to gain awareness of how I wanted to be spoken to and how I speak to myself; I consciously decided to change how I choose to speak to myself. If how I was speaking to myself wasn’t empowering, loving and supportive, then it wasn’t the truth of who I am. What helped lead to this path was the practice of meditation. I learned to sit with my thoughts and “people watch” them; remaining fully emotionally detached from the thoughts and allow them to unfold. This was a very difficult process in the beginning.
I can not count how many times I would break down and cry and re-experience the feelings and emotions of those thoughts carried. Yet, I persisted.
I can honestly say that after allowing these thoughts to unfold, I was clearly able to see where and who those thoughts came from. Many of them were not my own authentic thoughts. I learned that I allowed other people’s thoughts and feelings to become imparted on me. My mentor at the time taught me to thank them, the thoughts, and release them to the ethers for they were no longer needed. I eventually got to a point in my meditations were I could hear clearly my OWN voice. This was the beginning of writing my story after I cleared the space. I was able to tap into my own heart space and feel love for myself. I saw my self and had so much compassion for her.
Releasing yourself from your head space and leaping into your heart space is the most beautiful, exhilarating and freeing step you can take on your self development journey.
What does living in your head space mean?
For me this meant living with the constant chatter of thoughts that were limiting, loathing, critical, denying, worrisome, insecure, projecting fear or judgement. I would constantly blame someone else for how I was feeling. This was learned from learned childhood conditioning and learned responses to challenges and adversities. Our habitual patterns of how we respond, interpret, react and perceive the world in relationship to our viewpoint of who we are.
Living in your head space allowed me determine my image by what others think of me; therefore it is constantly changing to adapt to other peoples’ opinions. I was completely blocking or overthinking myself away from my own Authenticity
Your Truth is Your Authentic Worth
when your sense of Self is made up of all the things others have told you in regards to who THEY think you are and who you are not, is very limiting and constraining as you try to mold yourself into an image that others will like. If it feels constraining or limiting then it’s not the truth of who you are because the truth is not limiting that’s why it sets you free.
What does living in your heart space mean?
An inner knowing. A knowing that cannot be explained, but felt. You feel light, free, expansive and alive. You don’t question why you are doing what you are doing, but you feel pulled to do it. Living from your heart space means listening to your feelings and understanding what they are telling you. It feels just right and aligned to who you are. It feels authentic.
Heart energy is always loving, supportive and empowering. When we live from our heart space we are self compassionate. True healing is in total acceptance of who we are. As acceptance becomes the foundation for our growth and self improvement, we no longer judge or condemn our Being. Instead, we begin to honor and celebrate it. What you celebrate you honor.
So ask yourself: How can I celebrate myself? How can I honor myself? In celebrating and honoring myself I live from my heart space.