How to develop a sense of Agency and Maintain Your Control

Developing a sense of agency is vital for finding emotional , mental, spiritual, and physical balance, thinking more clearly and advocating for yourself.
My experiences has to taught and shown me the importance of this and I wish to share how I DID NOT have agency, to developing my own sense of agency.

To begin, having agency is your ownership of your own power and your ability to affect/create your future. It’s your ability to pilot your life.

I grew up in a very strict military, religious, and southern home. The old tale of children should be seen and not heard was the reigning value that my father held. In addition, I was raised or better yet talked down to by my “authority” that it is better to obey and if you do what you are told (obedience) then you will be rewarded with love, sustenance, and/or avoid being punished. Unfortunately there was nothing I could do or not do that was “good” enough to deserve provision or reward. I did not realize how that programming bled over into other areas of my life besides my desire to please and be loved by my parents, particularly my father. I adopted the notion that someone else was always in control of me and that I had no power to change or take ownership of myself. It wasn’t until I got married, had my second child, and entered my Saturn return that I started to see how my faulty belief system had hijacked my life, my creativity, and my power over myself. I have it all up to other people to decide what they felt was best for me, mainly out of what was best for their selves. I do not fault anyone who does and creates circumstances that is best for themself, in fact I encourage you to do the same. The problem was more so myself and not any one person, organization, or group; it was ALL me. I had to make the change in order to be for me what everyone was being for themselves, and that was having agency.

Below I share just the four principles that assisted me in developing and maintaining my agency.

  1. Intentions- this will always be number One! Setting an intent that you are committed to take action to change your circumstances, environment to change your life. It starts with your heart. Being true to what you want even when you do not have the words or idea of how to create it. This is where the mind can now play. When the mind attunes with the heart, the mind will make the shift because you have set a clear intent to be the pilot of your life, even when you don’t know HOW to do it. Just knowing you are committed will open the next step.
  2. Self Reflection and Control your stimuli- I’m always in a state of constant self reflection (a gift and blessing 😝) because it allows me to think about and evaluate my own motives, values and my life goals. This step is important because it allows you to address any conflicts in your motivations and choose acts and actions that are in favor with your values, goals, and motivations. This can come through journaling…I like making lists, or through quiet time alone…I typically like to record myself as I talk out my thoughts; I don’t always replay them because I’m quite judgmental but for the right reasons LOL. I have realized that when do listen to my old recordings I always gain new insights. This is a time to manage beliefs, emotions, discover new ideas, and enhance intuition.
  3. Education- This step is typically overlooked because we may think that only formal schooling is “education”. I would argue that any intent and act you take to learn something new is education. I love resource books, interviews, and documentaries. I’m a natural librarian (Libra/Aries) and love to study people, philosophy, and spiritual development. Sometimes it’s best to start with someone you admire or feel a sense of connection to so that you may learn about how they became who they are and how you can adapt their life lessons in your own life. My two favorite people thus far I have studied were Dolly Parton and Coco Chanel.
  4. Forethought and Strategy- NOW I BELEIVE THIS IS THE MOST SKIPPED STEP… but the most important as well. This is where you have to start figuring out the best way for you to get what and where you want to be. This step takes courage. The type of courage that Noah has whole building an Ark or like Daniel has when thrown into the Lions Den or like the Lion of The Wizard of Oz who helped save his friends when they were derailed and attacked. Courage is NOT the absence of Fear, in fact fear just may be necessary “block” that you are to go through to get what you KNOW you deserve.
    This is the phase of getting active mentally and physically, as well as spiritually.

Having agency is taking responsibility for YOUR life. It is the road least travelled because he requires discipline, paying attention, flexibility, and compassion for self and to self. As we practice agency, we will find that we have more influence not just over our own lives, but also in the lives of others. 😊💫


Published by Tahiry Devine

Hello to all, my name is Tahiry Devine and welcome to this sacred space of healing, encouragement, and community through the ideals of wombman-hood, Mothering, and awakening of the Divine Feminine as told through my journey. As a wombman of color, I aspire to share not only my spiritual journey and life hacks I have learned over the years but to collaborate with wombman all over who desire to share and walk in their Divine calling. Wholeness and Love

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