Last week I set my sights on escaping my current reality and retreating in the mountains of Georgia with a group of women that I have never met but was in a 13-week course by Rev. Kimesha of BlaqFire Nation, Self Realization of a Goddess.
I didn’t think I was going to make this retreat, because I was sick earlier in the week, my daughter was coming off the tail end of being sick, and like clockwork, a close family member attempted to pick a fight with me the day before I was set to leave- this seems to be a negative pattern that I experience with this person, but more on that later. There was so much energetic pushback, that I knew there was something that needed to be released; so I prevailed and went anyway.
I am so glad that I did! Although this was my first time meeting Kimesha, BlaqFire and the other women; I didn’t know what to expect, but I did remain open to what God/dess wanted for me to receive. The whole trip was the most relaxing, fun, and insightful experience that I had in a long time, with complete strangers! We came in as strangers and left as Sisters of a secret order LOL!
What came up for me was unveiling the root of this toxic pattern in my relationship with my family. I had developed an inability to trust myself and be free in my expression; not because I didn’t like myself, but because I learned to minimize myself so that I could “feel safe” to be around people who didn’t care for me or about me. That was such a freeing realization. And unbeknownst to me, I freed myself from that pattern when I stood my ground on a boundary that was important for my safety and emotional/mental well-being.
The following day we went to a zip lining course. I have never zip lined before and frankly I don’t care for heights. Our guides were Jacob and Gabe. Jacob means to circumvent, supplant, and assail. Gabe means God’s able bodied one or Hero of God. I was terrified and almost backed out of going on the zip line cord. Kimesha reminded us that we are here to choose faith over fear, and completing this ritual, zip lining, would represent that. Understanding symbolism, I took the leap and went forward. It was NOT fun at all, but I did accomplish conquering or supplanting Fear with Faith and became the Hero that God called me to be for me! I showed up! I was peer pressured after all 😂- just kidding…
Prior to this trip, I did stand up for myself: I showed up for myself when I left my corporate job, I stood up for myself when I stood my ground against a sexual predator, and when I did not cave in to the emotional/mental abuse that a family member tried to place on me the day before my trip. All my experiences was ritualized in the simple act of completing a 7-course zip line. I proved to myself that I am worthy of devotion, commitment, and loyalty. I revealed to myself that I am an able body of God that deserved to be cared for and loved on, without pretense.
As my Goddess sister Marla’s coworker exclaimed before she came to the retreat, she will leave a Queen and return as a Goddess! That was what this retreat ritualized for me, an entering and enabling of my own Goddess-ship and the gaining of sisters. I supplanted fear with belief and faith and rose up abled to be my Own Hero. There is so much more I will be sharing about my trip… so far this was just Day One! Stay tuned for more realization!